By: Allison M. age 15
No matter what Mrs. Colombo says in confirmation class, God will never forgive my sins. They're just too bad. I must be an evil person to even think the things that crawl into my brain. They creep in like little worms or viruses and before I know it everything's infected. At this point, I'm not sure if I need a priest or a doctor.
I'm pretending to do my Pre-Algebra but, in reality, I'm lying on my bedroom floor, texting my best friend, Shauna, who knows me better than anybody. But even she doesn't know everything. In the background, I can barely hear Taylor Swift as she swears to her ex that they'll never, ever get back together. Swearing. See? That's one of the things God will never forgive me for. I say vulgar things. I drop the F-bomb. I use His name in vain. But even I know that there are worse things. Things I've done. Things I didn't mean to do, but now they can't be undone.
Even the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.
No way am I going to Heaven.
My fingers fly over the keyboard of my phone, and the little black letters appear out of nowhere.
“u believe in god?”
Second later, my phone vibrates and buzzes. It's my BFF.
“sure. Y not?”
I tap the keys.
“how do u know hes really there?”
Vibrate. Buzz.
“just feel it. Gotta be something out there, right?”
“i guess. do u pray?”
This time it takes longer for Shauna to respond.
“not really. U?”
“at night. But not lately.”
“y?”
I stared at my phone. I wasn't sure if I could fit everything in my heart into a 140 characters. But I tried.
“it's the bad stuff.”
“what bad stuff?”
“The things I've done. Sins, I mean.”
“We all sin.”
“but i feel really bad.”
“Guilty?”
“yep.” Waaaaaay guilty. u ever feel guilty?”
“Sure.”
“What's the worst thing you've ever done?”
“You first.”
“No. I asked you first. You go.”
“K. Stole a CD from Walmart.”
“Doesn't count. You got cot. :/”
“that's all i got. u?”
“that's the worst?”
“that's it. ur turn.”
Suddenly, my lunch was using my stomach as a trampoline.
“aren't you forgetting anything?”
“dont think so. y?”
I could feel something starting to come up, but I wasn't sure if it was food or just guilt eating at my insides like acid. I keep telling myself that I should probably just forget it. But I just can't stand it anymore. It didn't really mean anything. Really, it didn't. It was just a little bit in his car.
“u been with brandon four months, right?”
“ya. y.”
They say confession is good for the soul, but this feels like something that God will never forgive.
So I'll start with Shauna. My fingers flew.
“got something to tell you. Pls don't hate me.”
I'll see if she'll forgive me first.
Then, I suppose, I'll work on forgiving myself.
I'll save God for later.
THE END
No matter what Mrs. Colombo says in confirmation class, God will never forgive my sins. They're just too bad. I must be an evil person to even think the things that crawl into my brain. They creep in like little worms or viruses and before I know it everything's infected. At this point, I'm not sure if I need a priest or a doctor.
I'm pretending to do my Pre-Algebra but, in reality, I'm lying on my bedroom floor, texting my best friend, Shauna, who knows me better than anybody. But even she doesn't know everything. In the background, I can barely hear Taylor Swift as she swears to her ex that they'll never, ever get back together. Swearing. See? That's one of the things God will never forgive me for. I say vulgar things. I drop the F-bomb. I use His name in vain. But even I know that there are worse things. Things I've done. Things I didn't mean to do, but now they can't be undone.
Even the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.
No way am I going to Heaven.
My fingers fly over the keyboard of my phone, and the little black letters appear out of nowhere.
“u believe in god?”
Second later, my phone vibrates and buzzes. It's my BFF.
“sure. Y not?”
I tap the keys.
“how do u know hes really there?”
Vibrate. Buzz.
“just feel it. Gotta be something out there, right?”
“i guess. do u pray?”
This time it takes longer for Shauna to respond.
“not really. U?”
“at night. But not lately.”
“y?”
I stared at my phone. I wasn't sure if I could fit everything in my heart into a 140 characters. But I tried.
“it's the bad stuff.”
“what bad stuff?”
“The things I've done. Sins, I mean.”
“We all sin.”
“but i feel really bad.”
“Guilty?”
“yep.” Waaaaaay guilty. u ever feel guilty?”
“Sure.”
“What's the worst thing you've ever done?”
“You first.”
“No. I asked you first. You go.”
“K. Stole a CD from Walmart.”
“Doesn't count. You got cot. :/”
“that's all i got. u?”
“that's the worst?”
“that's it. ur turn.”
Suddenly, my lunch was using my stomach as a trampoline.
“aren't you forgetting anything?”
“dont think so. y?”
I could feel something starting to come up, but I wasn't sure if it was food or just guilt eating at my insides like acid. I keep telling myself that I should probably just forget it. But I just can't stand it anymore. It didn't really mean anything. Really, it didn't. It was just a little bit in his car.
“u been with brandon four months, right?”
“ya. y.”
They say confession is good for the soul, but this feels like something that God will never forgive.
So I'll start with Shauna. My fingers flew.
“got something to tell you. Pls don't hate me.”
I'll see if she'll forgive me first.
Then, I suppose, I'll work on forgiving myself.
I'll save God for later.
THE END